Secret animosity definition7/18/2023 ![]() ![]() I walk amongst enemy ghosts that my sick imagination has conjured up and planted inside real people. Everyone who passes stones me with merry insolence. From the depths of their soul, everyone points a finger at me. I feel myself grow suddenly vague and hesitant in a hothouse rife with ridicule and animosity. But once objectified in others, I can no longer reclaim the image of myself as a figure of fun. ![]() After thinking this, I try in vain to convince myself that I alone am the source of this idea of other people's mockery and mild opprobrium. In the eyes that avoid mine I suspect a mockery I find only natural, aimed at the inelegant exception I represent in a world that takes pleasure in things and in activity and, in the depths of these passing physiognomies, I imagine and interpose an awareness of the timid nature of my life that sparks off guffaws of laughter. I walk down the street and I see in the faces of the passers-by, not their real expressions, but the expressions they would wear if they knew about my life and how I am, if the ridiculous, timid abnormality of my soul were made transparent in my gestures and in my face. My sensibility is like a flame in the wind. “Every day the material world mistreats me. ![]()
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